Vertical Limit- part 3

Tonight we talked breaking the limits of failure. Nehemiah, didn’t give up his dream of rebuilding the wall even in the face of failure and discouragement. Why? Because champions are not those who never fail, but those who never quit:
• Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance (determination) the race marked out for us. 2- Let us fix our eyes on Jesus…
• What has you tangled? Maybe you are facing doubts about yourself, about God and what he has called you to. Maybe you feel you are not good enough or you just want to quit. Remember Champions are not those who never fail, but those who never quit.
• You may have failed, you might be at the end of your rope. Don’t give up. You haven’t lost yet. There is the Lord God almighty on your side and there is NOTHING THAT is impossible for Him. He will make a way for you.

 

To Parents from a Parent

To Our Precious Parents,

Helping your children flourish through the tough teen years can be difficult. Even today I wish “I was as smart as I was when I was seventeen”! I am very fortunate to have two adorable daughters that are well grounded and guided by their faith. They have successfully made the transition to the early college years. I am blessed that both are doing extremely well socially, academically and in their relationship with God. But as we all know as parents, we just don’t seem to get it sometimes! Why can’t we understand that “everyone has a curfew that is later than mine” and “be real Dad, why do you want to talk to Megan’s Mom or Dad, just trust me they will be home with us tonight”. Being a good parent is not easy! You will never win a popularity contest. You will constantly be called too strict and your children will rarely (if ever) thank you; that is until they get a bit older. They start to realize that you always had their best interest at heart. That discipline was and is you showing your love and concern. And maybe someday, they will understand the sacrifices you made and make to help them be on the right path. I have the honor to teach and guide some of your children at Collide. I am blessed with the opportunity to help them in their journey to live out the mission of Jesus.

The Bible versus in Hebrews 12:10-11 says it well- Our fathers disciplines us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. All your efforts do pay off. God is with you and your children. My advice (and I am still learning everyday) is:

1. Show lots of Love. Applaud their accomplishments. This affection and praise can reinforce what is going well and help their sense of self worth.

2. Stay Connected- Interact as much as possible. Try to spend time with your children that goes beyond you giving them things to do. Schedule some fun activities or a nice Saturday breakfast were you can just connect. Ask them what is going on in their lives. Be accepting and not judging as much as possible. Listen to them with your heart. But you are always the parent!

3. Set a good example. Your children see what you do and the example you set sometimes may be their minimum of what they shoot for at this point in their lives. Show them your faith, service, commitment to the church and your relationship with God. Pray together at dinner… and yes have dinner together as much as possible!

4. Discipline with love. The right kind of discipline sets the guidelines and limits that they will expect from you. Control your emotions in the process. Explore more than the action, but also their intentions. Tough love is sometimes hard, but always the right thing to do… stay strong!

5. Be a teacher. Look for moments and ways to teach life’s lessons. Children learn best when situations are real. Proactively discuss what may of happened to someone else so your child doesn’t have to learn the hard way. Talk about drugs, peer pressure, sex and right choices. Let them know that the choices they are making now are for them and not for you. Read the Bible and SOAP together. We get to reinforce your position at our Collide Group.

In closing, always understand that none of us are perfect. We all make mistakes… sometimes we need to tell our children this and say we are sorry. They will respect you when you do. Don’t be too hard on yourself, but always strive to be the best Mom or Dad that you can be. Pray for God’s help and guidance and never be afraid to ask for help when you need it. This journey of life was never meant to be traveled alone.

I thank you for all you have done. I enjoy the special growing times with your children…..

God Bless Paul G.

 

Why Movies and Music Affect Your Teens

Working with teenagers, I hear and see all sorts of media. I-pods are filled with “Boom Boom Pow,” by Black Eyed Peas to “I Love College,” by some guy who didn’t even finish college. Movies like “Fast & Furious” and “I Love You, Man” are packed with teens and young adults. This is clearly a deep part of youth culture. But is this a good thing? We have heard for years that media affects behavior in some teens. Violent video games and movies have been the common thread among school shooting and other delinquent behavior. But these are just the extremes, right? Well, overall, I think it’s safe to say that media doesn’t cause everyone to react in extreme violent behaviors. However, I do believe that the media we watch and listen to affects all of us, including teenagers. Here’s why:

• Emotional Memory:
  • Your brain has an emotional memory, which is stored in the amygdala area. This means your brain doesn’t only recall a visual picture or event in your life. Instead, you remember how you felt at that time of the event. For instance, you don’t just remember going on your first date, you remember how you felt on your first date. We remember a big event such a graduation, but we also remember how we felt at graduation. This is emotional memory. 
• Triggers:
  • Here is the kicker, you don’t need to personally experience something  to trigger an emotional memory. An emotional trigger can take place just by watching another person or by watching TV. Consider this, have you ever been in an armed robbery? Have you ever had someone bust into your house and hold you at gun point? Have you ever been viciously attacked? Chances are that you haven’t and the majority of Americans have not personally experienced these, but you wouldn’t know it based on the majority of TV shows and movies. They make it seem like the norm. The goal of television producers is to trigger a little bit of pleasure filled adrenaline into our bloodstream. So very few of us are actually threatened in a way that is really life-threatening. However, our bodies are called into action as if we are! Next time you are watching a violently intense movie or show, put your finger up to your neck and feel your pulse. Chances are your body is reacting to the images you see in a fight or flight manner with an increased heart rate, though you are under no danger. A teen or adult doesn’t need to have been molested, raped, shot, stabbed, or abused to feel as if he or she has been. 

Overall, we, especially teens, have perception problems. What we perceive is reality and determines how we view the world. But what if our perception is wrong? We watch and listen to things that make us conclude, “This is the way life works.” We watch violent images, drug use, killings, and promiscuous sexual relationships on television and then continue to reinforce the images with the music we listen to. Lyrics about having sex with one girl one night and finding another the next night, getting so drunk you can’t move and mistreating your “hoe”. TEENS BEGIN TO PERCEIVE THIS AS REALITY!! Thus, they set themselves up for real-life experiences to reinforce the emotional memories they have stored. These behaviors almost always have expressions of rebellion, isolation, and intense negative emotions, such as anger, depression, frustration, and despair.

• So what can you do?
  • 1. Set the example. Your children will follow your lead. What you allow yourself to watch or listen to will directly relate to what they choose to watch or listen to. 
  • 2. Replace TV time with intentional connection. Take time to talk to your kids. Go out for ice cream, instead of watching your favorite sitcom. Join a service connection group as a family. Use these times to spark up a conversation about God or their personal life. If your not speaking into your child’s life someone or something else is. Remember, You have to disconnect to reconnect.
  • 3. Take the Challenge. I challenge you for one week to reduce the amount of TV and secular music you allow into your life. Encourage your teen(s) to take the challenge with you. Replace these times with some examples from above and worship music. I guarantee you will feel a little less stressed and see an improvement in your relationship between you and your teenager.

Praying God’s Best For You,

Will Hutcherson – NLC Student Pastor

 

America’s Next Top Poser- Part 2

Our culture is full of posers. And it just seems to me everyone wants to be a rock star, a movie star, or an American Idol. But why? Why do we allow our music culture dictate how things should be. We allow music and Hollywood dictate what clothes are cool, how we view sex, how we should talk, and how we should think.Believe it or not the truth is Movies and music influences us.

This week we are talking about America’s Next Top Poser, The Superstar. The people in media that we try to model after. But we are called to a higher standard. God is not calling us to be like this world, he is calling us to be set apart. 

Check out my blog tomorrow on how Music and Movies affect your teenager. 

 

America’s Next Top Poser- Part 1

     This week we are kicking off a brand new series called America’s Next Top Poser. This is all about our culture and how it affects us. From telling us how to dress, to how we need to act in situations. Every week we will explore a poser.  This week America’s Next Top Poser is the inner you. This is the part of you that struggles with who you are and who you want to be. But this inner you isn’t always authentic. Many times in life we put on a mask posing to be someone we are not. We try to be like our favorite rapper, movie star, or athlete. But is that how its supposed to be? To become something someone else is telling you to be? So we put on the mask of what we’ve seen modeled, but at the root of it all is acceptance vs rejection. 

• We put on the Happy Mask, the mask that says, “I’m always happy, never hurt. Things are always fine.” But really they’re not. This mask is a trap of constantly trying to avoid rejection. “If they saw what was really happening, they would reject me.”
• We put on the Calloused Mask, this is a guy’s favorite mask,  This mask says “I don’t need anyone.” We wear this mask because we are insecure. We have been rejected so much we begin to believe “If I just act this way that I know you will reject me, then it doesn’t hurt as bad. You are not really rejecting me, you are rejecting the mask.” I reject you, before you can reject me. 
• Or we put on the Righteous Mask, this can seem like a desirable mask to wear, but it is filled with false humility. This mask is the mask saying, “I’m only trying to help  you, because when I do, I feel accepted.” This mask also is an attempt to build self-esteem at the expense of looking better than someone else. This is a mask that is a selfish driven heart desperately attempting to heal from past rejection. However, it doesn’t work. 

Overall, fearing rejection is the driver for wearing the mask and missing out on true authentic friendships and relationships. But Jesus is the healer. In Luke 19, there is a story of a man wearing a mask, his name was Zaachaeus. Nobody liked Zaachaeus he was constantly rejected by the people around him for the job he worked. He wore the Calloused Mask. But then came the day where Zaachaeus was finished wearing the mask and it only took someone to accept him for who he was. To look past the mask and see the real him. Jesus accepted Zaachaeus and Zaachaeus was never the same.

 

Things I wish Jesus Never Said

Have you ever said something you wish you never said? How about something someone else said? I know for we reading the words of Jesus, I have found a few things I kinda wish Jesus never said. Like why did Jesus say we have to love our neighbor as ourself. Why not just love your neighbor? That doesn’t require any action. I could just love without doing anything. Love from a distance. But true really take his words seriously and love our neighbor as ourself means that we can’t just sit still while 30,000 people die because of malnutrition everyday. Especially when I have enough food to fill up 5 grocery bags. The truth is, if we are going to live out the truths and principles God has given us, we can’t just love from a distance. This love requires action.

 

Why is it such a bad thing to curse?

    For the next few weeks I will be answering some questions on my blog that students ask me.  I am not answering these as some know it all genius and frankly there are a lot of things I don’t know and questions I can’t answer. However, I will do my best to answer these questions from what I know and from a biblical context. 

    This is a question that someone asked me here on my blog, why is it such a bad thing to curse? That is a good question and very relevant. It seems like everyone cusses here and there. It almost seems like a cultural must for us in interpersonal conversation. Some people use cussing as a means of emphasis when telling a story or attempting to share how they feel about something. Many teenagers choose to use cuss words for acceptance if it is common with their friends. Do you remember the when you started cussing? I remember the first time I cussed in front of my mom when I was 15. I was mad and I wanted the whole world to know about it. But I have to admit, it was weird cussing in front of my mom, she surprisingly didn’t get mad, but it still didn’t seem right. 

    I guess when it comes to cussing, ask yourself why do you cuss? What is the purpose? I find cussing doesn’t really help me in any way. To me, cussing shows a lack of ability to correctly express feelings and it NEVER edifies people. Cuss words are destructive when directed towards people. As Christians, we are called to build people up, not tear them down, no matter how angry we get. 

Proverbs 18:21
The tongue has the power of life and death…

James 3:8-10 (NIV) ⁹With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. ¹⁰Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.

 

You Pick- Week 1

Tonight, Pastor Matt Keller, came by Collide to open up our new series all about questions.  We talked about Jesus healing the blind man in Mark 10. He was a no name, blind beggar, who cried out to Jesus while he pasted by. Jesus asked him a question that seemed obvious, “What do you want me to do for you?” Why? Because Jesus wanted him to say it. To tell him, to be open about who he was and his limitations and Jesus did a miracle in his life. The same thing goes for us. God is looking down asking us the question, “What do you want me to do for you?” “What is your limitation?” What is it that is in the deep, dark place in your heart that no one knows?” 

For the next few weeks we will be answering your questions. I will be answering some questions right here on my blog but also at Collide. No question is a bad question. Ask anything you’ve ever wanted to know. 

This is a whole series that You Pick.

 

Stay Close

I was reading Mike Ash’s blog a little while ago and wanted to share with you what he wrote. It’s an encouraging message in this economic downfall. If you don’t read his blog regularly, you should…

 

“It’s no surprise that one of the most topics talked about today is the economy. There is such a state of unrest and even fear in some cases as it concerns job and financial security. It may just be amplified because I live in the area with the greatest # of foreclosures in the country, but I would bet that everyone is feeling it on some degree.

 

So, what do we do during this time of instability?

 

Honestly, I believe that this is the perfect time to stay close.

 

Stay close to God.

 

Stay close to your family.

 

Stay close to the family that you have in your church.

 

During times of instability, we have seen that very often people tend to PUSH BACK and DISCONNECT. They allow that problems that are happening on a financial or emotional level draw them away from a relationship with those that care for them, which leads to bigger problems.

 

So, let me encourage all of us who may be feeling some stress from the economy that is up in the air to continue to engage those relationships in your world. Keep spending quality time with your spouse and kids. Make time with God a priority. Make it to church as often as you’re in town.

 

Doing this and continuing to engage will help all of us to make it through this time and on the other side we’ll be stronger, not weaker.

 

What could a church look like if it were filled with people who were determined to engage during this time instead of disconnect? It would look pretty cool.”      

- Mike

 

Hitched- Revolutionary Truths

Well, tonight is a double feature. I will be giving everyone some tips on how to break up, which will be fun, but we will also be talking about sex. Three quick thoughts about sex, that I like to call Revolutionary Truths…

• Revolutionary truth # 1- We are sexual people. No doubt about that, its how we are created to be. And in all honesty, sex is a good thing that God created. It was his idea. Its so easy to mislead our students in the church by telling them how horrible sexually is and really confuse them with our words. So lets just put it out there, sex is not bad. However….
• Revolutionary truth # 2- God created us to be pure and set apart in our sexuality. In simple terms, we shouldn’t act on every impulse just because God created sex and sex is a good thing. I’ll be speaking from 1 Thessalonians 4. In fact though sex is meant to be a good thing but… 
• Revolutionary truth # 3- Sex is not always good. It’s meant to be good but that’s not always the case. Because of trying to do things our way, we can get ourselves in a bad place and find that sex isn’t all that good.  Bottom line is sexual actions outside the commitment of marriage, is always going to turn things up. We don’t realize that getting hooked up would cost so much, create so much guilt, and feel so much shame. But thank God for second chances.